The first time I spanked Chelsea was one of hardest things I’ve ever done in my life.  There was so much going though my mind at the time that I didn’t think I could get through it.

  The act of spanking between a committed couple is something that triggers a lot of emotions in the two individuals involved.  Some find it exciting.  Some find it sexy.  Some find it “fun” to give spankings, and some find it “fun” to receive spankings.  Some are aroused by the very thought of spanking.  Some like to fool around in a flirtatious way with playful spankings.  That’s all well and good, and I can understand all of that to a certain degree.  However, fortunately or unfortunately (depending on where you stand on spanking) I find spanking to be none of those things.  

  Some would say I’m missing out.  Some may say I’m too rigid or uptight about this whole spanking stuff.  Spankings can be fun and arousing Clint!  Geez, lighten up a little, will ya?  See the sexy side of spanking!  Enjoy the sexy side of spanking!  

  Well, sorry to disappoint those of you on that end of the spanking spectrum, but spanking doesn’t do it for me.  It just doesn’t.  Spanking isn’t my “thing” when it comes to foreplay, sex, etc.  I don’t find it fun at all.  Spanking is a punishment.  That’s always been my view of spanking.  Inflicting pain upon, or receiving pain from another person has never been something I’ve perceived as being “fun”, exciting or pleasant.  Spanking falls into that category for me.  I guess I’m boring.

  Having said all of that, spanking Chelsea for the first time was very, very difficult for me.  I don’t even know which emotion to start with.  I suppose I’ll start with scared since, looking back on it, that was probably the most intense emotion of them all.

  What was I scared of?  Well, I was scared Chelsea would hate me forever if I spanked her.  Even though she was the one to kick-start this lifestyle in our relationship knowing fully what it entailed, I was scared she would flip out after I spanked her, and I was scared that it would do more harm to our relationship than good.  I was scared this would backfire in a big way, and I didn’t know if our relationship would recover if it did.  It’s funny to talk about this now, six and a half years later, knowing how wrong my thinking was.  But, at the time, that’s how I felt.

  I was also scared I would spank too hard.  I didn’t want to hurt her.  I knew the spanking had to be somewhat painful, but I was scared I would overdo it (and thus she’d hate me).  I really didn’t want to screw this up.  I really didn’t want to do it at all.

  In addition to being scared, I was really nervous.  I didn’t know what I was doing or how to do it.  I didn’t know what to say.  It was a really awkward moment for both of us.

  I had Chelsea lean over our bed and I used my hand to spank with.  She was wearing some light pajama pants.  I spanked her around 8 times or so, maybe 10, and that was it.  She was flinching and making little whimpers on the last few strikes.  I had to stop.  I apologized excessively to her and probably asked her fifteen times if she was okay.  I thought I had just screwed up the best relationship of my life.

  I felt bad when the spanking was over.  She was in pain and it was because of what I had done to her.  That’s not a good feeling.  She wasn’t crying, but she was clearly uncomfortable.  We embraced for a few moments and lied down together on the bed.  I felt like a total jerk.

  In the middle of my apologizing and asking repeatedly if she was okay, Chelsea reassured me that she was fine.  She didn’t want me to feel guilty about spanking her, and she reassured me that she had no issue with it whatsoever.  She understood.  Without that understanding and reassurance from her in that moment, I don’t know if I could have ever spanked her again.  She calmed ME down in that moment, which seems ironic, but I needed it.

  It was the results of this whole experience that made me see the true benefit of spanking, and living the domestic discipline lifestyle.  Chels and I were reconnected instantly.  It was a much deeper connection as well.  I could type for hours trying to explain this to someone who has never been through it, but you really have to go through a spanking with the one you love to fully understand what I mean.  The connection, the spark — whatever you want to call it — was truly something special after that first spanking.

  That, combined with the fire lit under Chelsea to get things done (she was spanked for procrastinating), made me see and understand what living this lifestyle was all about.  A punishment spanking may be an emotionally difficult thing to go through, but the rewards on the other side are beyond worth it.

Being a submissive wife (or partner) is a complex topic, and something that isn’t easily defined by submissive or non-submissive. There are more than 5different types of submission/submissive wives, and depending on what type you are can determine how you handle situations, what your strengths and weaknesses are, and it can help explain why you think and do the things you do.

So, what are the types of submission? There are 2 main types:

1. Physical submission. These are, you guessed it, the physical acts that you do. For example, when your HOH says, “hey honey, can you get me a drink?” and your answer is, “sure, babe” and you hand him a drink, that’s physically submitting to what he is asking of you. This is just an example, but hopefully you get the idea. Another example of physical submission comes in the form of punishments – when your HOH asks you to take down your pants before a spanking, and you comply, that’s an act of physical submission. The easy way to remember this is that physical submission equates to verbs. Anything you physically do, that is asked of you, is considered physically submitting to your HOH.
2. Emotional submission. Emotionally submitting to your HOH can be one of the hardest things that a submissive partner does, because it involves things like trusting him in the decisions that he makes, and backing/supporting those decisions. This is where things such as following his lead, allowing him to have the control and power within the relationship, and leaving the final decisions in his hands falls into place. Submitting to your HOH emotionally can really test your core relationship foundations, such as honesty, trust and respect, but it is (in my opinion) the most important component of submission. If you don’t have the desire to emotionally submit to your HOH, being a submissive wife will be extremely difficult.

Other types of submission outside of domestic discipline include sexual submission, “slave” submission, etc. but those are typically reserved for those who practice and follow BDSM and other alternate lifestyles.

Before we determine what type of submissive you are, it’s important to go over the types of submissive wives. Those are as follows:

• The Naturally Submissive. Naturally submissive wives are, in a sense, born with submissive qualities although they likely do not come out until later in life. These are the submissive wives that seem to have it all together and things like following their HOH’s lead isn’t something they struggle with on a regular basis. These are also the type of submissive wives who exhibit qualities that are really caring, nurturing, compassionate, and understanding. For naturally submissive wives, showing submission 24/7 (whether at home, in public, etc.) is normal and easy for them, and something they rarely bat an eye at. However, naturally submissive wives often struggle with things like disappointing their HOH and carry a higher burden of guilt than those in other submissive categories. Because of this, consistency from the HOH when it comes to punishments becomes crucial.
• The Psychological Submissive. These are the type of submissive wives that have a strong desire to be submissive, but have to work harder at it as it does not come naturally. Because of this, submitting to their HOH emotionally is a lot more difficult than physical submission, although they can, occasionally, struggle with both. Psychological submissives are very good at analyzing their behaviors to figure out where to improve upon their submission, although they aren’t always great at executing their plans without the help of their HOH. Their desire to submit is there, but they need a little more help at achieving true submission due to their occasional need to still control, or have some power, in decisions. Most submissive wives, in my opinion, will fall into this category.
• The Ex-Controller. Every once in awhile you’ll hear submissive wives (or those working towards becoming submissive wives) explain how they used to be in positions of leadership and power, typically within their workplace and are now working towards (or have already mastered) letting go of that control at home. There’s no doubt that giving up control is one of the hardest things a submissive partner has to overcome, and the ex-controllers seem to have a more difficult time with this than most. However, ex-controllers are really good at compromise, typically moreso than the other types of submissive wives, because they have a skillset in negotiating and “getting their way” when it comes to decisions. These are also the types of submissive wives who held a lot of control in their relationship, not just their workplace, prior to beginning domestic discipline. They need to work harder at both physically and emotionally submitting to their HOH, but their desire to do so is definitely there.
• The Controlling Submissive. These are the type of submissive wives who are still wanting to hold the control in their relationship, whether they’re ready to admit it or not. The desire to submit to their HOH’s is there, however they have more difficulty achieving it because there are constantly things that they may view as road blocks in their way. For example, if their HOH makes a decision that they don’t agree with, accepting that decision is further down on their list of things they’re likely to handle, and trying to overrule or come up with a list of better solutions is more near the top. When it comes to domestic discipline, they want to hold a lot of control over their rules and punishments, often suggesting that their HOH should handle things this way rather than that way, or suggesting different punishments, rules, and rewards that they think would work well. Their HOH likely feels that he doesn’t have much of the control in their relationship, although it appears outwardly that they do. In these type of relationships, the decisions that the HOH makes is usually so heavily influenced by the submissive partners wants, needs, and opinions that it ends up, truly, being her decision in the end.
• The DD Submissive. This is the type of submissive wife that has a strong desire to have a domestic discipline relationship in which they are the submissive partner, but outside of domestic discipline punishment situations their desire to be a submissive partner weakens. They are very strong, or have a desire to be very strong, physically submissive partners, and are great at complying with punishments, and requests of the HOH. However, their emotionally submissive desire is significantly weaker, or non-existent. These are the type of submissive wives who declare that they want equality within their relationship, all decisions to be made equal, etc. But, when it comes to punishments, they’re happy to submit and are often good at doing so.

You may have read the above descriptions and thought “I fit into more than one of those” and that’s completely normal. It’s usually caused by the submissive partners desire to be one type of submissive, but in actuality they are exhibiting the behaviors of a different type. It can also be that you are transitioning between types of submissive partners (example: you’re currently a “controlling submissive” but are working towards becoming a “psychologically submissive” partner). That’s normal too. Don’t feel like you have to be confined into one type of submissive, or another.

It’s also important to point out that everyone defines submission differently. So, while these are my “types of submission” that I typically classify submissive partners into, others may have a completely different view of submission and the types of submissive partners they see and that’s okay too.

Exercises for this week:

Ask yourself the following questions:

• What type of submissive partner am I currently?
• What type of submissive partner do I desire to be?

Ideas to try:

Create your own type of submission by combining traits from the above 5 types of submissive partners.

If you’re unhappy with the type of submissive partner you are, choose one of the 5 types (or, create your own!) and attempt to fully live as that type of submissive partner for 7 days. Then, reflect on what went well, and what didn’t.

Separately from your answers, ask your HOH what type of submissive partner they would identify you as, and what type of submissive partner they would like. Or, ask them to create their own as well.

Similar to how there are different types of submissive partners, there are also different types of HOH’s. We’ll go over that next week.

On Saturday, Chelsea wrote about five different types of submissive partners in her Submissive Saturday series.  At the end of her post, she mentioned how she was going to discuss the types of HoHs in her next Submissive Saturday post, but we’ve decided to bump that article up to today.  We felt is was more appropriate to write it as a Wednesday post as opposed to a Submissive Saturday post.  It also made more sense to have me (Clint) write this one, rather than her, since it’s about HoHs.  So here we are.

There are a lot of responsibilities that come with holding the title of “head of the household”, or HoH, in a domestic discipline relationship.  Having an authoritative presence is certainly helpful, but there’s a lot more to being an HoH than simply being a disciplinarian/authority figure in the home.  It requires leadership skills, decision making skills and communication skills, as well as the ability to outwardly exhibit rational self-control and the ability to stabilize emotional situations.

Being the HoH also requires a “soft side” that isn’t often talked about in domestic discipline circles.  The HoH of the family needs to be the pillar of strength/support whenever something goes wrong, or whenever someone in the family is going through a difficult time.  The HoH need to be the one everyone in the family turns to when things get rough, and/or when they don’t know what to do and are in need of direction.  I hate to sound like Dr. Phil here, but “HoH” isn’t just a title, it’s also a verb.  “HoHing” requires a lot from a person, and it isn’t an easy job.

Of course, there isn’t one set universal way to HoH a relationship/family.  There are a number of ways an individual can HoH a relationship/family, and each of those ways offer varying degrees of success in the lifestyle.  There are ways we recommend HoHing (more on that later), but what it ultimately boils down to is what you and your partner want to get out of domestic discipline.

In Chelsea’s post she identified five types of submissive partners, however when it comes to HoHs, I distinctly identify four different types of them.  Chances are you (or your HoH) fit into one of the following four types.

The types of HoH I identify are as follows:

Type 1: The No Nonsense HoH.  The No Nonsense HoH does things very much “by the book” all the time.  There are very clear rules and boundaries in place and a very strict “no tolerance” policy when it comes to enforcing them.  This HoH is essentially in “boot camp mode” all the time, everyday.  They rarely take outside factors into consideration, meaning that if a rule is broken then a punishment is forthcoming no matter what the “excuse” is.  Period.  I’m not saying the No Nonsense HoH doesn’t have a “soft side”, but it very rarely comes out.  The No Nonsense HoH is not messing around.

Type 2: The Adaptive HoH.  The Adaptive HoH is strict in enforcing their clear list of rules and boundaries, but they do take circumstances into consideration (examples: illness causes a bad attitude, they use different consequences when pregnant or when the submissive partner is ill, etc.).  The Adaptive HoH is a good leader, but can be manipulated at times by the submissive partner due to over-thinking or over-analyzing situations.  They do have a very concrete list of “no tolerance” rules regardless of the circumstances, but other less important rules aren’t always a high priority.  The Adaptive HoH has just enough “soft side” to be strong and supportive, but not so much of one that they’re a complete pushover.

Type 3: The Lenient HoH.  The Lenient HoH has a very strong desire to lead their relationship/family, but they are very relaxed in enforcing their rules.  If an infraction doesn’t fall into one of their core “major” rules, the infraction often goes unpunished.  The Lenient HoH is easily manipulated by the submissive partner, and is usually oblivious to the manipulation.  The Lenient HoH often falls victim to the “Good Guy Syndrome”, in which they’re overly eager to please their submissive partner and their “soft side” wins out more often than not.  They don’t ever want to be the “bad guy.”  They’re very understanding and supportive…to a fault.  They will punish if something major happens, but even they would likely tell you they’re a bit of a pushover.

Type 4: The Reverse HoH.  The Reverse HoH has a desire to lead the family and THINKS they’re the one calling the shots, but in reality it’s the submissive partner who is running the show.  The Reverse HoH puts far too much stock into the submissive partner’s feedback.  The Reverse HoH lives in “soft side” mode the majority of the time and struggles with making clear, definitive decisions.  They’re often more concerned with making their partner happy than doing what’s best for them (which yields all control to the submissive partner).  They punish because they feel that’s what they’re supposed to do rather than feeling it’s what they need to do.  The Reverse HoH is a great person with great intentions, but they don’t quite have what it takes to be an effective HoH in a domestic discipline relationship.

As mentioned before, all four types of HoHs will offer the relationship/family some degree of success in the domestic discipline lifestyle.  Depending on what a couple wants, they may be perfectly content with whatever type their HoH currently falls into.  However, if something is lacking/missing in your domestic discipline, your HoH may want to put a plan in place to become whichever of the four HoH types they aspire to be.

We recommend, for best overall success in the domestic discipline lifestyle, an HoH fall somewhere in the type 1 to type 2 range of HoH (with a slight lean towards type 1).  It’s important that an HoH not be an overbearing jerk with unachievable expectations, however it’s equally important that an HoH not be complete pushover who allows their partner to manipulate their decisions (or run the show entirely).

Holding firm with decisions is a key component to being a successful HoH.  An HoH needs to always think about the bigger picture and the greater good when determining what course of action to take.  The correct and/or best decision isn’t always the easy one.  The best decision is not always the one that will make everyone (especially the submissive partner) the most happy.  That isn’t what HoHing is about, and the HoHs that are best at “putting their foot down” are the ones that experience the most success in the lifestyle.

So, which type of HoH are you (or what type of HoH is your partner)?  Are you happy with how things are currently operating?  If not, communicate with your partner and work together in making changes that will get your HoH to where you both ultimately want them to be.

{PERSONAL POST} The #1 Rule

Sorry this is up one day later than usual, everyone. We’re officially right in the middle of moving. We’re moving to an entirely new city, hours away from where we live now, to a new house, new neighborhood, new everything. To say we’re stressed and nervous would be an understatement. But, we’re also really excited. Our new house is seriously perfect and I tell Clint all the time that I wish I could fast forward a few weeks to when we’re all moved in, boxes are unpacked, and this moving process is over. Unfortunately though, we’re right in the middle of it, which means, unfortunately, our readers are as well. Posts may not go up on schedule this next week because of all the chaos but we’ll do what I can. I’m hoping that this time next week we’ll be blogging from our new house!

Aside from moving, things have been going well lately. I think Clint mentioned it in the latest Five Things entry that he wrote (thanks babe!) but in case you missed it, we did do a stress relief spanking recently (sometime last week) and I think that really helped us both to reset. Besides that stress relief spanking, I haven’t been spanked in quite awhile, and I’m hoping to keep that streak going. I asked Clint the other day if he thinks I can go the entire time we live in our new house (likely 2 years before our new home is built) without getting spanked – he said no, but I still think I’m going to give it a try.

If I’m really going to attempt to go 2 years (or however long we end up living there – could be a little bit longer, I suppose) without getting spanked, the hardest part is definitely going to be following our “#1 rule”, which is pretty much everything car-related. No speeding, no texting while driving, just drive safe overall – things like that. It’s really no secret that texting while driving is a big issue to Clint, probably because the media lets you know every single day how dangerous it can be, how many wrecks are caused by it, etc. There are even giant, neon flashing signs all throughout North Carolina interstates that remind you that texting while driving is illegal. And, I get it, I really do, but I still slip up from time to time and it sucks that I do because that’s one of the biggest (actually probably the biggest rule that we have).

When we first started domestic discipline, we didn’t have many rules surrounding the car. Wear your seat belt, and be safe. Our top rules, at that time, were different and texting while driving was something that neither Clint, nor I, really cared about. But, things changed a few years into domestic discipline, and now it’s a top rule – no texting, no speeding, always wear your seatbelt, obey all traffic laws – and, truth be told, I’m not really sure what the turning point was. There was no giant car accident caused by me texting while driving or something that led to this rule being implemented. There was no speeding ticket, or anything like that. It was likely due to the increased number of stories you hear about car accidents. But, nevertheless, it’s a rule – and an important one. I used to text while driving nearly every single time I got in the car (bad, I know). Thanks to domestic discipline, and Clint’s increased “strictness” (I guess is the right word?) about the rule, it’s gone down to maybe a few times a year, if that. I also make sure to wear my seat belt at all times now (something that has been an issue in the past) and I haven’t gotten a speeding ticket since…well, a long time ago.

So, with all that being said, that’s my goal. Not get spanked for the entire duration that we live in our new house (hey, maybe we won’t even need to pack the implements up!). Don’t text while driving, watch the speed limit, and follow the other rules we have as well – those are the keys. Do I think I can do it? Probably. And the fact that no one else seems to think I can is just all the more motivation.

Whether the head of the household spanks over or under the clothing makes a big difference.  Most tend to think of bare-bottomed spankings when thinking of the act itself, which is totally normal.  The majority of couples in domestic discipline relationships spank bare-bottomed which is a perfectly acceptable way to spank.  Bare-bottomed spankings are by far the most common way to spank.  There are essentially three ways to conduct a spanking when it comes to whether or not clothing is involved: 1) Over all the clothing; 2) Over the underwear/pajamas; or 3) Bare-bottomed.  All three are acceptable, but all three have pros and cons.

Over the clothing:

When referring to an “over the clothing” spanking, we’re referring to spanking over all layers of clothing one would wear on a regular basis.  A standard situation would be something like jeans worn over underwear, but this could also include anything else that may be worn as multiple layers.

PROS: Not embarrassing/humiliating for the submissive partner; can be done quickly; no resistance from the submissive partner as far as removing clothing; convenient; generally not sexually arousing.

CONS: Medically the worst way to spank; the HoH must strike more times; the HoH must strike harder; easier to cause bruising; the HoH cannot see the results; not very psychologically effective (the submissive partner may not understand they’re  “in trouble”).

Over the Underwear/Pajamas

When referring to an “over the underwear/pajamas” spanking, we’re referring to the submissive partner wearing underwear only, or a very light article of clothing only (like pajamas).  Basically one thin light layer of clothing only.

PROS: Good “median” between over the clothing spankings and bare-bottomed spankings; psychologically effective (the submissive partner understands they’re “in trouble”); the submissive partner does not become overly embarrassed/humiliated; the HoH doesn’t have to strike as frequently or as hard as over the clothing spankings; medically better than over the clothing spankings.

CONS: Can be difficult to get the submissive partner to cooperate/remove their clothes; the HoH cannot see the results well; more painful than over the clothing spankings; can be slightly embarrassing/humiliating for the submissive partner; can be sexually arousing.

Bare-Bottomed

When referring to “bare-bottomed” spankings, we’re referring to the submissive partner wearing nothing to cover their buttocks.

PROS: Medically the best way to spank; the HoH doesn’t have to strike as hard or as many times; the HoH can easily see the results (to make sure there is no bruising/welts); the HoH can see where the strikes are landing; psychologically effective (the submissive partner understands they’re “in trouble”)

CONS: Can be very embarrassing/humiliating for the submissive partner; hurts more/stings more (on the surface); can be difficult to get the submissive partner to remove their clothing; can be sexually arousing.

  We recommend over the underwear/pajamas spankings the most frequently.  The reason we recommend over the underwear/pajamas spankings more often than bare-bottomed spankings is because it lessens two unnecessary elements to a spanking: 1) Less embarrassment for the submissive partner, and 2) over the underwear/pajamas spankings generally aren’t as sexually arousing as bare-bottomed spankings.  It’s best to avoid the temptation of sex as much as possible in a discipline situation.  In addition to those two reasons, spanking over the underwear/pajamas also gives the HoH the option to escalate the spanking into a bare-bottomed one if the submissive partner does not cooperate in some fashion.

  A couple doesn’t necessarily have to pick one of these options and stick with it every time they spank.  Couples can do the spankings different ways depending on the severity of the offense.  In the end, the head of the household should determine how the spanking is to be conducted.

How do I help my partner to cooperate with removing their clothing?

Ask nicely the first time. “Okay honey, let’s get your punishment over with as quickly and as smoothly as we can.  I need you to take off your jeans please.“

If the submissive partner doesn’t cooperate the first time, get a more strict the second time. “I’m not going to ask you again.  You need to take off your jeans.  Stop dragging this out.“

If the submissive partner doesn’t cooperate after the second time, we recommend they be administered corner time until they’re ready to listen, be respectful and cooperate.

Who should take off the clothes?  The HoH or the submissive partner?

  We recommend the submissive partner take off the clothing.  It helps with the psychological factor of the spanking process.  By them removing their clothing, it shows they understand and accept that they’re “in trouble”, and shows they accept the consequences for their actions.

  Over or under the clothing is a very important aspect to a spanking.  All three of these options are effective if executed correctly, and couples are encouraged to find what works best for them.

Almost seven years ago my husband and I began this journey in our marriage known as domestic discipline and a few years later this blog was born. From the beginning we have been met with two things: an outpour of thanks and support, and criticism. We knew this was part of going public with this lifestyle, and to this day we don’t regret it.

Awhile back ago we were doing a radio interview that featured both support and criticism and one of the broadcasters proclaimed “I can’t imagine having something like this because in my marriage my wife and I are equals.” This was followed by another individual, this time a woman, backing him up. “I agree!” she said, “my husband and I have an equal marriage and anything else is just crazy!”

“My marriage is equal!” I fought back. Of course it is. Why wouldn’t it be? It was a ridiculous argument, I thought.

This continued for quite some time. In fact, almost every critique the lifestyle received seemed to have the general tone of “equality”. Men and women should be equal in all areas of life, including marriage. There was once a thread in a marriage/relationship group on the popular forum site CafeMom which asked “In your house who ‘wears the pants’?” The thread had 462 responses from women all over the world, and well over half of the stated “We both do – we have an equal marriage.”

I continued to defend the “equality” complaint I heard with the same defense – “My marriage is equal too!”, but did I really believe that? Did I even know what I was saying? I’ll be honest — not really. But it just didn’t see right to say “my marriage isn’t equal!”. It seemed crazy, barbaric, so..not 2014. Just so..wrong.

At some point, which I can’t really pinpoint when but it was at least a few months ago I finally hit the realization. My marriage is not equal. It just isn’t. But then I started thinking, is anyone’s? Whether domestic discipline is a factor or not, does anyone truly have an equal marriage? Someone always has the “upper hand”, “the control”. This is why anyone (experts, your family, marriage blogs, etc.) will tell you that compromise is an amazing thing in marriage. If you’re compromising, then how is that equal? (And before anyone starts, I am not saying that you shouldn’t compromise in marriage, alright?) The main difference is in non-domestic discipline marriages that power almost always shifts, therefore creating the illusion that the marriage is equal. In domestic discipline marriages, the power does not shift.

My husband has the “upper hand”, he has majority of the power, and although he always takes my opinion into consideration before making decisions, he makes the final decisions. So yes, the critics were right, my marriage is not equal. But does it have to be? 

I can make a pretty lengthy list of times when I very reluctantly sat back while my husband made a decision that I was not happy about, but I can also make an equally long list of times when I did that and it turned out perfectly – better than I could have imagined. This is not to say my husband is perfect. But, it is to say that he makes good decisions a very large percentage of the time, and because of that I trust him to be the leader of our house and thus to “make our marriage unequal”.

It’s taken me awhile, and a lot of deep thinking, to come to the conclusion that my marriage truly is not equal. But, it is full of love, happiness, respect, and so many other things. I don’t need it to be “equal” in order to be happy, not even close.

You know the saying “you don’t know how good you have something until it’s gone?” Well, that saying totally applies to this next story.

See, when Clint and I first started domestic discipline (and, actually, for a while after that), spankings were conducted over the clothes. Clint said he didn’t see the need to spank bare bottom (and, obviously, I agreed). I’d heard through friends, and read on blogs, that bare bottom spankings were “the norm” around the domestic discipline community, so a part of me thought it would only be a matter of time before Clint tried one (just to see what all the hype was about). And, I was right.

Several years into us practicing domestic discipline, I was getting spanked for not wearing my seat belt (whoops!) and, all the sudden, something felt different. Actually, from the beginning, the entire spanking felt different.The method we usually used at that time (which was similar to the advanced spanking method) seemed to fly out the window the second I bent over the bed. I immediately wondered what was up (and instantly thought man, I must have really screwed up this time!) but soon found out that, while the mistake definitely fell in the “major mistakes” category, my husband was just changing things up (as we do from time to time) and a part of that was a new method which we now refer to as blended spankings.

Anyway, so we headed up to our bedroom (where we conduct pretty much all spankings) and all the sudden the phrase “take down your pants please” comes out of his mouth. I’ll never forget that, and now, over a year later, it still doesn’t get any easier to hear.

After realizing that the days of being spanked over the clothes had flew out the window, I complied, and the spanking began. He started with a warm-up and I could immediately begin to feel the difference between being spanked over the clothing, and being spanked bare bottom. Let me just say that getting spanked bare is actually surprisingly worse (like, worse than you would think..) as opposed to getting spanked over the clothes, particularly when the wooden spoon is involved. Each swat stings so much worse. Shortly after the warm-up (and a brief lecture), the spanking began. It was intense, long (although still shorter than being spanked over the clothes), and definitely drove the point home.

I learned a lot through that spanking, more so than I have learned from any spanking prior to that. It’s been a year now, and it’s amazing to me how well both blended spankings, and bare bottom spankings really do work (as much as it sucks to admit that). The entire spanking felt more “real” (as odd as that sounds) and it also really tested my submission.

Most (actually, all) spankings since then I’ve remembered that saying that you never know how good you have it until it’s gone. As much as I didn’t like being spanked over the clothes, bare bottom is way worse. We’ve even managed to transition from just “major spankings” being bare bottomed, to pretty much everything (stress relief, warning swats, you name it). The days of being spanked over the clothing officially ended about a year ago and I’m still adjusting to being spanked bare..but as most in domestic discipline say- it can all be avoided.

“Take down your pants, please” is a phrase I’ve become all too accustomed to hearing over the years, and a phrase that never gets easier, I swear. I don’t know why, because it’s one of those things that, like the spanking, I know it’s coming, but it still hard to accept. There’s that inner struggle each time of, “do I really have to?” and “can’t we just do it the way we used to?”

The “way we used to” is referring to the way that we used to spank when we first began domestic discipline. It’s no secret that the way Clint spanks, like most HOH’s, has transitioned, evolved and developed over the many years we’ve been living the lifestyle. Implements have changed, positions have changed (slightly), and our rule list has been updated and transformed as well. But, the other big change has been transitioning from being spanked over the clothing to bare bottom spankings.

When we first began domestic discipline Clint had a friend who also practiced the lifestyle and “guided him” into what this lifestyle was all about, and how it worked. At the time there were pretty much no internet resources on the topic (other than personal blogs) so Clint’s friend’s knowledge and his own instinct was really all he had to rely on. His friend had told him that bare bottom spankings were more effective, and “normal” for domestic discipline relationships but Clint disagreed, stating that there didn’t seem to be much of a point to do it on the bare bottom and that it seemed unnecessary, and thus we began domestic discipline using spankings that were over the clothing.

They were effective, no doubt. Were they effective simply because they were over the clothing? Not necessarily. They were effective because we were relatively new to domestic discipline so pretty much any form of punishment was changing my behavior at that point. But, as we began to evolve with domestic discipline we hit a wall. The problem we were facing was that the spankings started to not change my behavior as long-term as both Clint and I would have liked. And thus, we “graduated” from a beginner-level type of spanking to a more advanced level that worked better for us.

Part of that transition included Clint “trying out” how effective it would be, long-term, if the spanking was bare bottom. The idea was if the sting of the spanking lasted longer, without Clint having to spank longer or harder, then it would probably be worth it. And, his theory was correct.

The first bare bottom spanking came as a surprise. It isn’t one of those things that we sat down first and said, “okay, now here’s the changes we’re going to make.” and then implemented them. We do that with some domestic discipline things, but with this, it was almost out of nowhere. Well, I shouldn’t say that. We had talked about it briefly in the past, but it was something that I definitely wasn’t expecting.

I’ll admit that I really didn’t expect it to hurt as much as it did! The same spanking given bare bottom, as opposed to over the clothing, was a world of a difference and, although it felt like he was spanking so much harder, he really wasn’t. The sting was just more evident, and that became apparent after just one swat. I struggled a lot at first with cooperating (as bad as that is for me to admit) and, to be honest, it’s still hard at times, but the spanking was, without a doubt, more effective.

We had found something more effective without it necessarily having to be a longer spanking, and Clint was on board immediately. I don’t think he ever regretted conducting spankings over the clothing at first (and, I certainly didn’t!) because it allowed us to transition into domestic discipline at our own pace. But, no doubt about it, the spankings are more effective now.

We’ve now transitioned from spankings being bare bottomed to all spankings (including swats, and stress relief) being underneath the clothes. That’s a transition that, I won’t lie, was tough for me at first. But, I can’t argue the fact that it is more effective and therefore my case for it to go back to “the way it was before” is pretty hard to make.

There have been several different transitions we’ve made within domestic discipline over the past several years, but this was probably the most apparent, and the one that I don’t think will go away or be changed anytime soon, and that’s just one of the things that I need to trust that Clint’s decision on is the best for us. So far, it has been.