Before we get started with advanced level spankings, we’d like to preface this post with a few things.  If you happen to be a first time visitor to this website and are looking into a domestic discipline relationship/marriage, please read the explanation of domestic discipline first, and read over the earlier posts on this website to get a better understanding of what exactly it is before jumping right into spankings.

Second, if you’re new to the spanking concept, please start by reading the beginner level spankings entry.  If you jump right into this advanced level spanking from the start,  chances are things would go wrong and there is a strong possibility you and your partner would do it incorrectly.  This spanking stuff is complicated, and it’s very important it be done correctly.

Lastly we’d just like to say that there is no rush when it comes to escalating spankings to the advanced level.  If you feel you and your partner are not ready to escalate the spankings yet, then don’t.  If you’re currently doing intermediate level spankings and are happy with the results, there’s no need to escalate the spankings to the advanced level.  If you’re currently doing intermediate level spankings and you’re finding yourself having to spank rather frequently (2-3 times a week or so), then we would recommend advancing to advanced level spankings.

We had a lot to preface this post with, but we felt it was all important.  Now that we have all that out of the way, let’s get started with the advanced level spankings and how we recommend they be done with a step-by-step breakdown.

The following is a recommended guideline to be used as a template on how to appropriately and safely administer a punishment spanking:

Steps 1-5 are exactly the same as beginner level spankings.  Click that link to go over them.

Steps 6-8 are exactly the same as intermediate level spankings.  Click that link to go over them.

Step 9: After the five minute “break” (two minutes of rubbing, three minutes of the submissive partner being left alone to think about their behavior), the submissive partner should get back into spanking position, and the head of the household (HoH) should spank again the same way (same implement, alternating cheeks with each strike, etc.).  The point of reference on the number of strikes is recommended to be about 20 again, adjusting that number based on the submissive partner’s behavior and the implement used.  In step 8 we recommend the HoH use about 1/3 – 1/2 of their strength, but on this second set of swats we recommend the the HoH strike using between 1/2 – 3/4 of their strength.  This is where the spanking gets much more intense than the intermediate level spanking, and thus more effective long term.

Step 10: Break #2.  We recommend this break be done exactly the same way as the first one.  Check step #8 of the intermediate level spankings post on how we recommend this break be done.

Step 11:  After the five minute “break” (two minutes of rubbing, three minutes of the submissive partner being left alone to think about their behavior), the submissive partner is recommended to get back into spanking position, and the HoH is recommended to spank one last time, again alternating cheeks with each strike.  For this last set of strikes, we recommend between 6-10 strikes, with a wooden paddle, with the strikes being very very hard.  At LEAST 3/4 strength,  It is very very intense, and very very painful for the submissive partner.  This last set of strikes is difficult, but extremely important to get the behavior corrected long term.

Steps 12-15 are exactly the same as steps 10-13 of intermediate level spankings.  Click that link to go over them.

The advanced level spankings are not for the faint of heart.  Only experienced couples within a domestic discipline relationship/marriage should be spanking this way.  Do NOT jump right into spanking this way if you and your partner  are beginners.  We cannot stress that enough.

All steps are important, but perhaps the most important step in this entire spanking is the warm up spanking.  Do NOT overlook or forget to do the warm up spanking.  The warm up spanking is what assures there will be no bruising.

After conducting an advanced level spanking, a couple shouldn’t have to go through a punishment spanking situation again for quite a while.  It’s such a painful experience for the submissive partner that it will be very effective.   Look at it this way – doing advanced level spankings a handful of times a year is much better than doing intermediate level spankings a handful of times a month.  That’s the point of domestic discipline relationships.  To get problematic behavior corrected long term.  Advanced level spankings will ensure that happens.

Chances are you and your partner are starting to see positive results as you both continue to grow within your domestic discipline marriage/relationship.  In April of 2011, we introduced the concept of spanking on this website (even though most of you were probably familiar with it already) with the beginner level spankings post.  If you’re new to a domestic discipline marriage/relationship, a month or two into it is about the time you start having to spank for repeat offenses, or are only seeing results for about two weeks at a time.  Once you get to that point, it’s time to “graduate” to intermediate level spankings.

In the beginner level spankings post, the definition of a spanking is covered, as well as how a spanking is recommended to be conducted.  If you’re new to domestic discipline or a new visitor to this website, please read that post before continuing on with this one.

Intermediate level spankings are done in a similar fashion to beginner level spankings.  Essentially what we’re doing is increasing the intensity of the punishment in an effort to achieve better long term results.  Most of the steps are done the same way as a beginner level spanking, but there are a few additional steps that make the intermediate level spankings a bit more intense/effective. 

Just as with the other punishment posts, we’ll explain how we recommend this be done with a step-by-step breakdown.  The following is a recommended guideline to be used as a template on how to appropriately and safely administer a punishment spanking:

Steps 1-5 are exactly the same as beginner level spankings.  Click that link to go over them.

Step 6: Do a warm up spanking.

Step 7: After the head of the household rubs their partner’s buttocks for approximately two minutes, the nerves of the buttocks are now “prepared” for the remainder of the spanking.  At this point, it’s recommended the HoH strike directly on the buttocks with the implement of their choice, alternating cheeks with each strike.  It’s recommended the wooden paddle be used, and it’s recommended the HoH use approximately 1/3 to 1/2 of their strength when striking.  There isn’t an exact number of strikes, but it’s recommended there be approximately 20 strikes, give or take.  The number of strikes depends on a lot of things.  If the submissive partner cooperates, the HoH can reduce the number of strikes.  If the submissive partner is moving around a lot, or reaching their hand back, more strikes can be added.  More intense implements require less strikes as well.  A good point of reference is 20 strikes, adjusting that number based on the submissive partner’s behavior during the spanking, and based on which implement is used.

Step 8: With the submissive partner remaining in the spanking position, it’s recommended the HoH rub the buttocks for approximately two minutes.  After two minutes of rubbing, the HoH is then recommended to exit the room for approximately three minutes.  The purpose of the HoH exiting the room is to help the submissive partner understand they’re still being punished, and to give the submissive partner time to think about why they’re being punished.  During the three minutes when the HoH is out of the room, it’s recommended the submissive partner do something that will help keep their mind on the punishment.  The submissive partner can do corner time during this period, or they can lie completely still on the bed, or something else, but it needs to be something where they will not be distracted by anything.  Some prefer to do this AFTER the entire spanking is over with, but we recommend it be done at this point in the spanking so the primary focus can be on comforting the submissive partner after the entire spanking.

Step 9: After the five minute “break” (two minutes of rubbing, three minutes of the submissive partner being left alone to think about their behavior), the submissive partner should then get back into spanking position.  At that point, it’s recommended the HoH spank again the same way (same implement, same strength, alternating cheeks with each strike, etc.).  On this second set of strikes however, it’s recommended the number of strikes be reduced by about 5 or so.  The point of reference on the number of strikes is 15 times this time, again adjusting that number based on the submissive partner’s behavior and based on the implement used.

Step 10: The entire spanking is over at this point, and it is now time for the HoH to comfort their partner.  As we said in the beginner level spankings article, this is absolutely vital to the entire process.  The HoH should NOT just leave their partner lying there, crying, alone.  It’s recommended the couple embrace, comfort one another, reassure one another, and generally be there emotionally for one another.  This is usually done lying next to one another on the bed.

Step 11: Once both partners are completely calmed down, it’s recommended the HoH ask their partner again why they were punished so they can ensure their partner understands the problem, what to do next time to correct it, and why the punishment was necessary.

Step 12: It’s recommended the HoH then give their partner another hug, then both individuals can go on about their day/evening.

Step 13: Rubbing the buttocks after the spanking, or providing ice/lotion/aloe vera is NOT recommended.  Rubbing or providing a soothing pain reliever essentially defeats the purpose of the spanking.  The spanking must be painful to act as a deterrent to repeating the unwanted, dangerous, or detrimental behavior in the future.  If the submissive partner uses lotion/ice, or if she starts rubbing it without permission from the HoH, it’s recommended an additional punishment be administered.  We recommend starting with corner time and escalating from there as needed.

Now that you and your partner are familiar with spanking and understand how it works, you and your partner are likely becoming more and more comfortable with spanking, as well as more and more accepting of the entire domestic discipline concept.  Not only should you be seeing improved behavior, but you should also be seeing how domestic discipline brings a couple closer together emotionally and spiritually.  That’s what it’s all about.  The intermediate level spanking isn’t easy to do, but it will be much more effective in getting an unwanted, dangerous, or detrimental behavior corrected for a greater length of time.

As we prepare to go further into the different levels of spankings within a domestic discipline relationship/marriage, it’s important we cover warm up spankings first.  Intermediate Level Spankings and Advanced Level Spankings both require a warm up spanking within them, so we’ll go over warm up spankings in this entry.

A warm up spanking is a brief spanking conducted prior to the main spanking to “prepare” the nerves of the buttocks for the strikes that will follow.  The purpose of a warm up spanking is to bring the nerves of the buttocks to the surface, which greatly reduces the likelihood of bruising.  Warm up spankings are done with the hand or a wooden spoon, and typically do not exceed much more than 20 strikes.

Warm up spankings are conducted very similarly to Beginner Level Spankings.  The only significant differences are the implement(s) used, and how the head of the household conducts themselves once it’s finished.  For sake of simplicity, please refer to the Beginner Level Spanking entry for steps 1-5 on how to conduct a warm up spanking.  Steps 1-5 are literally exactly the same for both a Beginner Level Spanking and a warm up spanking.  We’ll pick up on step 6.

Step 6: The HoH strikes directly on the buttocks and/or sit spot of their partner with either their hand or a wooden spoon.  It’s recommended the HoH use their non-spanking hand to assist their partner in keeping position by laying their non-spanking hand across their partner’s lower back.  The HoH then strikes the buttocks using about 1/3 to 1/2 of their strength, alternating cheeks.  We recommend striking between 15-20 times.

Step 7: Upon completion of the warm up spanking, the the submissive partner is recommended to remain in the same spanking position, and the HoH is recommended to rub the buttocks of their partner for approximately two minutes.  The rubbing is added preparation for the nerves, and it reduces the sting a bit.  Again, the warm up spanking is not necessarily intended to be the ultimate correcting influence, but rather to prepare the buttocks for the remainder of the main spanking to follow.  The rubbing of the buttocks is also a comforting gesture, and will help make the submissive partner feel as though their HoH really does care, and really does have their best interest at heart.

That completes the warm up spanking.  After the two minutes of rubbing, the main spanking then begins.

We’ve always found it difficult to stress the importance of the submissive partner crying at some point during the spanking process.  When we say that the submissive partner crying is an important part of a successful spanking, we don’t say that in a heartless, insensitive, or barbaric way.  Quite the opposite, in fact.  It isn’t like we’re some animals that enjoy seeing people cry.  Explaining why spanking to tears is a healthy and loving part of the domestic discipline lifestyle may be difficult to do, but we’re up for the challenge.  We feel it’s important to discuss this topic.

The anti-DD crowd is going to LOVE this entry.  Away we go…

The submissive partner crying at some point during the spanking is important for a few reasons.  One, it shows that the submissive partner is remorseful for their actions and shows that they understand how their behavior/poor judgment was dangerous or detrimental to the home and/or relationship.  Without this realization, the submissive partner may feel as though the punishment is unfair or unjust, which would likely lead to unnecessary additional problems.  It’s the responsibility of the HoH to express how and why their partner’s behavior was a problem during the lecture in a way that is easy for their partner to comprehend.  We’ll touch more on that point in a moment.

The second reason crying is so important is the emotional release that it offers the submissive partner.  When the submissive partner knows that their behavior/poor judgment disappointed their HoH, naturally they can develop a heavy emotional burden of guilt, remorse, and sorrow.  The feeling of letting your partner down isn’t a pleasant feeling for anyone.  The submissive partner may feel disappointment in themselves as well, which can trigger those same negative emotions.  Crying offers a means of releasing these heavy negative emotions.  After crying, the submissive partner will feel as though they have been appropriately held accountable for their actions, and they will feel a sense of forgiveness from their HoH.  Two very important things.

After a “good cry”, there will be a feeling that slate has been wiped clean, the infraction is now in the past, and the couple can now move forward without those feelings of guilt and disappointment.  These are very good feelings for both partners, and an important part of the entire experience.

Third, the submissive partner crying lets the HoH know where they are at in the spanking process.  If there are no tears, it may wrongly convey the message that the spanking is having little to no effect on the submissive partner, thus prompting the HoH to spank harder/more times.  That could cause potential problems as, in an attempt to get the submissive partner to their crying point, the HoH may over compensate and spank too much/too hard.  By the submissive partner crying, it sends the message to the HoH that the spanking is effective and that the lesson is being learned.

When a submissive partner holds back tears, or tries to “prove their toughness”, it’s counter-productive to the whole spanking process and could potentially lead to some serious medical ramifications if the HoH spanks too much/too hard.  It’s strongly recommended submissive partners do not do this as it could lead to very harmful results both physically and emotionally.

Those three reasons are why the submissive partner crying at some point during the spanking process is so important.

 My partner doesn’t cry.  I want them to have that release, and I know they want it as well, but we can’t seem to get to the point of crying.  Any suggestions?

It’s important for a couple to understand that the spanking is not a total failure if the submissive partner doesn’t cry at any point throughout the process.  Just because they didn’t cry does NOT mean the message was not received, or that the spanking was not successful.  If the behavior improves and positive results come from the spanking (better communication, better understanding, stronger emotional bond, etc.), then the spanking was successful, even if the submissive partner did not cry at any point.

The HoH did not fail in their duty as disciplinarian, and the submissive partner did not fail in their duty of deferring, or “submitting”, or yielding (as one commenter put it), to their HoH if there are no tears during the spanking process.  Some individuals tend to feel this way about the whole crying issue, and they shouldn’t.  Some individuals have a difficult time crying.  Simple as that.  No tears does not mean either partner failed at any point during the spanking.  It does mean, however, that the couple needs to make some adjustments to how they go about the spanking process.

Before making that adjustment, however, the couple must first know why the submissive partner is not crying.  Once the reason is determined, the appropriate adjustment can be made to address the problem.

In our experience, the number one reason a submissive partner does not cry during a spanking is due to an incorrect mindset.  They may not fully understand how their behavior was unacceptable/inappropriate, they may not fully understand the magnitude of the mistake, they may not feel any remorse, they may be thinking about something else entirely, they may not care, they may not be taking the punishment seriously – it could be any number of things.  The bottom line with any of these incorrect mindsets is that the submissive partner must get to the point where they are focusing directly on the problem and situation at hand, and how their behavior has negatively impacted the home and relationship.  Getting the submissive partner to that point isn’t their responsibility – it’s the HoH’s responsibility.

The husband MUST lecture correctly.   We’ve outlined how to do so here.  During the lecture process, the HoH must help their partner realize that the behavior was/is unacceptable/inappropriate on a more meaningful level than just, “Yeah, I know I shouldn’t have done that.”  If the submissive partner claims to understand how their behavior was a problem already, then the HoH must ensure that they understand every angle, and every single aspect as to why the behavior absolutely cannot be repeated.  It needs to get to the point where the submissive partner feels legitimate, meaningful remorse for their behavior.  It needs to “sink in”, so to speak.

Generally this requires a more stern approach to the lecture, and a longer lecture.  That does NOT mean the HoH needs to be a complete jerk about things (yell at their partner, belittle them, humiliate them, etc.), but the HoH does needs to be very clear, and very firm with their convictions.  “We agreed to our rules.  They were broken.  We wouldn’t be in this position had any thought been put into this and better judgment been used.  It wasn’t, lives were put on the line, and I never want this to happen again.  Is that clear?“

That’s very direct and very concise.  A lecture that contains a few minutes of this stern approach will help get the submissive partner in the correct mindset, and help to get them focused on the problem/situation.  Again, it needs to get to the point where the submissive partner is showing legitimate, meaningful remorse for their actions and not just brushing it aside as if to say, “Yeah, I know what I did wrong.  Yada, yada, yada.  Let’s get this over with.”  It needs to mean a little more than that.  A lot more than that, actually.

So, if the submissive partner is not crying due to them having the incorrect mindset, this is how we recommend a couple go about addressing the problem.  Quite frankly, the HoH needs to be more stern with the lecture and do a better overall job of lecturing.

The second reason the submissive partner typically does not cry during a spanking is due to the spanking not being painful enough.  The solution to this is simple – the spanking needs to be A) harder, B) longer, or C) both.  There’s no other way to put it – the HoH needs to increase the intensity of the spanking in some fashion.

The third reason the submissive partner typically does not cry during a spanking is due to their buttocks becoming numb to the pain at some point in the process.  If the HoH strikes with the exact same implement, in the exact same spot, with the exact same force behind the strikes for the duration of the spanking, the buttocks will become numb to the pain – particularly if they are spanking exactly the same way over the course of several months.  Once the buttocks becomes numb to the pain, the HoH could spank countless times and it wouldn’t make any difference.  Obviously that would be a problem.

To prevent the buttocks becoming numb to the pain, the HoH needs to mix things up throughout the entire spanking.  The HoH needs to alternate implements and vary their strength behind the strikes throughout the entire spanking.  It’s also important that the strikes fall on different areas of the buttocks.  Varying the aspects of the spanking like this will ensure the buttocks does not become numb to the pain, which will keep the spanking painful and effective.  This will increase the probability of the submissive partner crying and, as strange and as harsh as it may sound, crying is a good thing.

Also, striking the back of the thighs can help prevent numbness in the buttocks, HOWEVER, if the HoH chooses to strike the back of the thighs, it’s recommended they do so minimally.  The back of the thighs is an incredibly sensitive area that is highly susceptible to bruising/welts.  Strike the back of the thighs with extreme caution, and only do so as a last resort.

If all of these options fail, boot camp can be a means of addressing a “no crying” problem as well.  Boot camp is an intensely emotional experience and can help with this problem, however we would only recommend couples consider boot camp if all of the above recommendations have been exhausted.

Even  after addressing a “no crying” problem with the above recommendations, a submissive partner still may not cry.  At that point there isn’t much else the head of the household can do, unfortunately.  Again, that does not mean that the HoH is a failure, or that the submissive partner is a failure by any means.  Some people just do not cry, and that’s a reality for some couples.  There will still be plenty of benefits that result from a spanking, even if the benefits of a “good cry” are not obtained.

It’s important that the head of the household do all they can to help their partner cry, and that the couple continue to work together to find the best ways to enhance all aspects of their DD relationship.  If all communication lines remain open between partners, any problem can be understood, addressed and overcome in a way that brings them the most happiness.

There isn’t a more important punishment within a domestic discipline relationship/marriage than a spanking.  Spankings are also the most difficult to do, and the most misunderstood.  Spanking is such a complex form of punishment.  There is a lot that goes into doing this correctly, so this article will be a lengthy one to ensure that everything is as clear as it can possibly be.

We’re starting with a Beginner Level Spanking.  This post is specifically for those just starting out with domestic discipline, or those in the very early stages of domestic discipline.  We know many are far more advanced than this, so for the more experienced couples, we have Intermediate Level Spankings and Advanced Level Spankings.  Again, this post is specifically for those just starting out with domestic discipline and/or spankings.

We’ll start with a definition of what exactly a spanking is.  A spanking is a punishment in which the head of the household strikes the buttocks and/or sit spot of their life partner with their hand or an implement in an effort to correct an unwanted, dangerous, or detrimental behavior.  Spanking is only to be done in a calm, collected, level headed, reasonable, rational, and loving manner.  The head of the household MUST be calm and in complete control of themselves when administering a spanking.  Spankings, in a punishment scenario, should only be done when a mistake is made or poor judgment is used in order to correct negative behaviors for the greater good of the entire family.  Punishment spankings are NOT “fun”, “exciting”, or “sexual” activities to be done whenever a couple feels like it.  If you and your partner find spanking to be any of those things, you’re reading the wrong website.

Just as with corner time and bedroom time, we’ll break spanking down in a step-by-step process.  The following is a recommended guideline to be used as a template on how to appropriately and safely administer a punishment spanking:

Step 1: Spanking is for major offenses/mistakes, so the HoH will likely be upset to some degree about the behavior or poor judgment of the submissive partner.  Step one is that the HoH MUST get themselves calmed down.  Before doing anything else, the HoH must be in a calm and collected state of mind as to be in complete control of their actions.

Step 2: It’s recommended the HoH walk with their partnerto the bedroom.  This doesn’t ALWAYS need to be done in the bedroom, but it is recommended to be done in the bedroom for intimacy and privacy reasons.  It’s recommended that the HoH place their arm around their partner and comfort them, since the submissive partner may be scared/nervous to some degree.  The HoH should be firm, but understanding as well.  The HoH should calmly encourage their partner to come with them and discuss what happened.

Step 3: Once the couple is in the bedroom, it’s recommended the HoH sit down with their partner on the bed (or a chair/couch if one in the bedroom) and conduct a lecture.  The lecture is extremely important.

Step 4: The HoH determines whether to spank over the clothing, over the underwear/pajamas, or bare-bottomed.  For more about the pros and cons of each option, click here.  “Alright sweetheart – let’s get this done.  I know it’s uncomfortable for you, but I’m going to need you to take off your jeans please.  Let’s not drag this out any longer than we need to.“

Step 5: The submissive partner then gets into spanking position.  The spanking positions are outlined here, and the most recommended position is the leaning over the bed position.  “Go ahead and get into position, dear.  The more you cooperate with this process, the faster it will be over with.  You’re doing great.  Thank you for cooperating.“

Step 6: It’s recommended the HoH strike directly on the buttocks and/or sit spot of their partner with the chosen spanking implement(s).  A list of spanking implements, and the pros and cons of each, can be found here.  For beginners, it’s recommended either a hairbrush or a wooden paddle be used.  It is also recommended that the HoH use their non-spanking hand to assist their partner in keeping position by laying their non-spanking hand across the lower back of their partner.  The HoH then strikes their partner’s buttocks using between 1/3 and 1/2 of their strength, alternating cheeks.  The recommended number of strikes is 15 for beginners, adding or subtracting strikes based on the submissive partner’s cooperation level.  We do not recommend exceeding 20 strikes in any one setting (at the beginner level).  At the same time, we wouldn’t recommend striking any less than 12 times, otherwise the spanking not going to have much of an affect.

Step 7: Upon completion of the spanking, the HoH then comforts their partner.  This is absolutely vital to this entire process.  The HoH should NOT just leave their partner lying there, possibly crying, alone.  That’s the worst possible thing the HoH could do.  The submissive partner needs their HoH in their most vulnerable moments.  The HoH is recommended to embrace their partner, comfort them, kiss them, tell them they’re going to be okay, tell them everything is alright, and simply be there for them.  It’s recommended the HoH hold their partner and continue to comfort them until they’re completely calmed down.  This is usually done lying next to one another on the bed.

Step 8: Once the submissive partner is completely calmed down, it’s recommended the HoH then ask their partner again why they were punished so the HoH can ensure their partner understands the problem, and ensure they understand what to do next time to correct it.

Step 9: The HoH then gives their partner another hug and the couples goes on about their day/evening.

Step 10: Rubbing the buttocks after the spanking, or providing ice/lotion/aloe vera is NOT recommended.  Rubbing or providing a soothing pain reliever essentially defeats the purpose of the spanking.  The spanking must be painful to act as a deterrent to repeating the unwanted, dangerous, or detrimental behavior in the future.  If the submissive partner uses lotion/ice, or if they starts rubbing their bottom without permission from the HoH, it’s recommended an additional punishment be administered.  We recommend starting with corner time and escalate from there as needed.

There are a lot of steps to a spanking, but all of them are important.  This isn’t easy to do for both individuals involved.  It’s important that the HoH reward their partner for any and all cooperation throughout the process.  Reinforcing cooperation increases the likelihood of cooperation next time, which is helpful.

If this is your first time spanking, or if you’re in the very early stages of domestic discipline, the recommended steps for spanking outlined above will be great for introducing you to this process.  We think you’ll really start to see how the dynamic of domestic discipline works, and why it’s so helpful to a relationship/marriage.  Not only will both partners improve their behavior, but living this lifestyle will bring both partners SO much closer emotionally and spiritually to one another.  That’s what domestic discipline is all about.  You’ll find out how much you truly love your partner after incorporating this practice into your relationship/marriage.  Feel free to ask any questions you may have in the comments.

Are Beginner Level Spankings yielding mild results?  Ready to take the next step?  If you answered yes to both of those questions, it’s time for you to move on to Intermediate Level Spankings.

A topic that has come up a lot in the comments recently is the idea of maintenance spankings.  With all the recent discussion about them, we figured now was the right time to discuss maintenance spankings on the blog.  Maintenance spankings provide a way for the HoH to keep the submissive partner on the right track and reconnect, as well as provide a means for the submissive partner to get an emotional release.  We’ll explain more in just a moment, but let’s start with what exactly maintenance spankings are.

What are maintenance spankings?

Maintenance spankings are light spanking sessions conducted by the head of the household on the submissive partner regularly, without infraction.  They’re conducted in a very similar manner to how beginner level spankings and warm up spankings are recommended to be done.  The only major differences are the implement used and the reason behind it.  It’s recommended the hairbrush or wooden paddle be used when conducting a beginner level spanking, however with maintenance spankings it’s recommended something lighter be used, such as a spanking buddy, a wooden spoon, or the hand.  A hairbrush would also work, but it wouldn’t be necessary to strike quite as hard as recommended for a beginner level spanking.

The frequency in which maintenance spankings are done is at the discretion of the head of the household.  It’s recommended maintenance spankings be done approximately one week apart, but not on the same day every week.  For instance, if maintenance spankings are done every Sunday, they’ll lose effectiveness since the submissive partner will know when they are going to happen.  Anywhere from one week to two weeks apart is ideal, give or take.  As always, the HoH should be fair with this.  If the submissive partner is having a good week, the HoH should wait a little longer to do maintenance.  If the submissive partner is having a rough week, we recommend the HoH do maintenance a little sooner than normal.

All the same methods recommended in the beginner level spaking post still apply when conducting a maintenance spanking.  Alternating cheeks when striking, the submissive partner is in the leaning over the bed position (or OTK), approximately 15-20 strikes, etc.  It’s also very important that the HoH comforts the submissive partner afterward, just as they would after a traditional spanking.

Why would a couple conduct maintenance spankings?

There are three reasons.

1) – To keep the submissive partner on the right track, and to remind them that they need to follow the agreed upon rules at all times.  Maintenance spankings are effective in helping the submissive partner remember to continue following the rules and to continue doing the right things.  Maintenance spankings essentially protect the submissive partner from himself/herself during the week.  By the HoH reminding the submissive partner in this manner, it in turn makes it less likely that a major infraction by the submissive partner will occur during the week.

2) – To reconnect.  Spanking in general is a very intimate thing between partners.  Given this intimacy, and given the comforting and cuddling that takes place after a maintenance spanking, some couples choose to make maintenance spankings a part of their domestic discipline relationship to simply enhance the intimacy between the two of them and strengthen that emotional bond.

3) – To give the submissive partner an emotional release.  Maintenance spankings offer a means to release emotions so the submissive partner feels much better afterward.  This goes back to why it’s so important that the submissive partner cry after a spanking – it releases the emotions of guilt, disappointment, sorrow, etc.  Sometimes just “crying it out” will help a submissive partner feel better about whatever they are/were upset about, and maintenance spankings provide that avenue in which to give that emotional release.

There may not be an aspect of domestic discipline we’re more on the fence about than maintenance spankings.  We’re split 50/50 as being for or against them.  However, we’re comfortable enough with them to include them on the blog, but they aren’t something we outwardly recommend couples do.

We’ve always felt a spanking is a punishment tool intended to correct an unwanted, dangerous or detrimental behavior, and we don’t like the idea of spanking when the submissive partner didn’t do anything wrong.  We also don’t like the idea of spanking when the submissive partner is upset/crying to get their emotions out, since we feel the submissive partner should never have to worry about showing emotion in front of the HoH.  HOWEVER, with all of that said, we understand the benefits of maintenance spankings and a lot of couples prefer them.  Don’t let our personal feelings discourage you from trying them if you feel they would be beneficial to your relationship.  Like we said, we’re really 50/50 on maintenance spankings.

Just as with all the recommendations here, maintenance spankings are something a couple should discuss together to determine if they’re right for their relationship.  Now that you’re familiar with what exactly maintenance spankings are, how they’re done, and why they’re done, we encourage you and your partner to discuss them and determine if you both want them a part of your relationship going forward.

It has been a while since the last entry.  Like you, I sometimes have things come up in life that temporarily occupy my free time.  Thank you all for being so patient and understanding – particularly those of you waiting for answers in the comments.  We have a busy summer lined up as well, so things are only going to get more hectic over the next couple of months.  I certainly appreciate you all sticking with LDD through it all.

Last month’s personal entry was well received and appreciated by many (especially my wife), so at the beginning of each month I’m going to write a personal entry to mix things up a bit.  It’s a nice break, I think.

Back in August, I wrote an entry about maintenance spankings.  I’m familiar with them and I’ve discussed them many times with friends and fellow domestic discipline couples.  I know how they’re done and what purpose they serve, but as I said in that August entry, my personal feelings on them were basically undecided.  I’ve always been 50/50 on the idea of maintenance for our marriage.

With most concepts in domestic discipline, whether they’re old or new to us, I can instantly determine whether or not they’ll work for our marriage, or whether or not I agree with the concept.  Maintenance spankings have always been an “on the fence” thing for me personally.  I can definitely see how they would be beneficial to a relationship, which made me comfortable with the concept, but I also didn’t like the idea of spanking for no infraction from my wife.  The “spanking for no infraction” side ultimately won out, and I’ve never really considered maintenance spankings after I made the decision not to do them.  I simply didn’t see the need for them in our marriage.

Well, my feelings on them have changed.

About a week and a half ago, my wife and I started with maintenance spankings.  What changed my mind?  Hmm.  That’s a good question.  I can’t really pinpoint one thing specifically, but there were two major factors that made me reconsider my initial stance on them.

The first factor was the overwhelming amount of support maintenance spankings had from couples that do them.  Every person that I talked to about them – both men and women – appreciated the fact that maintenance spankings were a part of their relationship.  It was interesting to me that even the submissive partners appreciated them.  I mean, if a submissive partner getting spanked without infraction actually appreciates it, then there must be something to it.  There must be a strong benefit from doing maintenance if every person that does them supports the idea wholeheartedly.

The second factor was my wife’s behavior.  Her behavior wasn’t terrible or anything, but she was having moments where she seemed to forget who the HoH of the marriage was.  She wasn’t doing anything major enough that would necessarily warrant a standard discipline spanking, but she wasn’t exactly being a perfect angel either.  I don’t expect perfection by any means, but there were definitely moments where she would challenge me.  I didn’t want to do a full on discipline spanking because the “challenge moments” weren’t THAT bad, but I didn’t exactly want to let it go, either.  I needed to do something, and corner time is usually my go-to punishment for something like this, but I wanted to do something different.  Something that really got the point across.

I decided to start maintenance spankings.

Our first maintenance spanking would probably be better referred to as a “reminder spanking”, since it DID have multiple minor infractions tied to it (challenging me regularly).  Regardless of what you want to call it, it was effective, and these maintenance/reminder spankings will be something we continue on with for the foreseeable future.  My wife is SO excited about that (not really).

Up to this point we’ve only had two maintenance spanking sessions.  They’ve both gone well, and they’ve both had positive results.  It’s still a bit too early to tell if they prevent major infractions (my wife doesn’t make major infractions often as it is), but they have certainly served the purpose of reminding us both how the dynamic in our marriage works.  There has been less “challenge moments” from my wife, and the general feeling in the house has been happier, less stressful and more peaceful, which has been nice.

I feel it’s important for domestic discipline couples to continue evolving and growing together as their relationship moves along into the future.  My wife and I are no different.  We’re open to trying new ideas (new to us, at least), and if they don’t work for us, then we throw them out and move on.  We gave maintenance spankings a try, and so far they have been a positive experience for us.  As long as I/we continue to see good things result from maintenance, they’ll continue to be a part of our marriage.

The moral of the story is that you shouldn’t be afraid to give something new a try.  It may or may not be a positive experience right away for your relationship, but if it is, obviously you’re relationship will be better and you’ll be so happy you gave the idea a chance.

My wife used to reach her hand back during spankings ALL the time.  It drove me crazy.  Sure, I understood at first.  I mean, when something causes you pain, you do what you can to put a stop to whatever that something is.  Right?  So, when we were first getting comfortable with spanking, her reaching her hand back didn’t bother me so much.

  After a couple of months, however, it started getting old.  Really old.  I was tired of reminding her to keep her hand out of the way when I was spanking her.  I almost struck her hand with our wooden paddle a couple of times, too.  It got to the point where I felt she was doing it on purpose since it gave her a miniature break between strikes.  Not a very long break, but enough of a break that it likely made it easier for her to deal with the spanking.  Needless to say her reaching was becoming a potential safety problem in addition to it being extremely annoying to deal with.

  I didn’t know how to go about fixing this reaching problem.  The punishment options I was comfortable with didn’t seem to fit the “crime.”  I tried corner time after the spanking a couple of times to address it, but the results were lukewarm at best.  Bedroom time and removing privileges, for this particular problem, didn’t make sense to me.  I didn’t think either one of those punishments would help.  I surely wasn’t going to restrain her in some fashion, either.  That isn’t something either of us were/are comfortable with.  I was already spanking her, so spanking didn’t seem logical either.  I was stumped.

  At the time we were spanking over clothing.  We were spanking over very light clothing like pajama pants and other kinds of lounge wear, but clothing nonetheless.  We weren’t at the point where we were comfortable spanking bare bottomed.  At the time we were still new at this and we simply weren’t ready for that yet.

  So here we were with a reaching problem and no plan in place to fix it.  One thing I did know was that me regularly telling her to keep her hand out of the way wasn’t working.  It would maybe work for the remainder of that spanking, but the very next time I spanked her it would happen again.  I knew I had to come up with something.

  I tried adding strikes to the end of the spanking.  I’d get to the stopping point, then I’d verbally tell her that the following strikes were for reaching her hand back.  After a few more strikes, we wrapped up the spanking and that was that.  This approach was more effective than the corner time after the spanking, but it still didn’t fix the problem long term.  I was growing more and more frustrated, and I was running out of ideas.

  I used the additional strikes at the end of the spanking for another month or so, but it wasn’t giving the results I was looking for.  Her reaching wasn’t as bad at this point, but it was still happening from time to time.  I wanted it to stop and stop completely.  I knew I had to do something out of the ordinary to get this problem fixed.  Something different that my wife wouldn’t expect.  Something more intense.  

  I had to compromise with myself.  I didn’t want to escalate the spankings into bare bottomed ones yet.  I wasn’t ready for that, and I knew my wife wasn’t either.  We were taking things slow with the whole domestic discipline thing.  We didn’t “jump right in” to anything we were uncomfortable with, and one of those things was spanking bare bottomed.  So we took our time.  But, with that said, I knew it was going to take something drastic (well, drastic to us at the time) to fix this persistent reaching problem of ours.

  I thought about it a lot and the best compromise (with myself) that I could come up with was spanking her bare bottomed for a few strikes immediately after she reached her hand back.  If she reached, I would strike bare bottomed four or five times, then I’d go back to spanking over the clothes.  Seemed like a reasonable solution to me.  It was a clear separation of the two problems and it was an immediate consequence to her action.  It wasn’t a full on bare bottomed spanking, either.  Perfect.

  The next time I went to spank, I warned Chelsea before I began spanking her that if she reached her hand back she would be punished for it.  I didn’t tell her how she would be punished, just that she would be.  Despite my warning, she still reached her hand back in the middle of the spanking.  What a shocker.

  Right after I told her to move her hand out of the way, I grabbed the waist band on her pajamas and pulled them down.  Chelsea looked back and asked what I was doing.  I told her that I was spanking bare for her reaching.  We had a very brief conversation about the situation and I went on with the bare bottomed strikes.  After a few of them, I pulled her pajamas back up and finished the rest of the original spanking.  That was that.

  Later that night we talked about what happened.  I was clear to her that my patience with her reaching had run out and I wanted it to stop.  She wasn’t exactly thrilled with our “new way” of spanking, but she admitted that it worked.  She said it made her think about her reaching problem, and she said and she wasn’t going to do it anymore.  That was music to my ears.  Looking back on it, I think we can pinpoint this entire experience as our transitioning point into bare bottomed spankings.

  Reaching wasn’t an issue for months after that.  After a while, on some of the more intense spankings it would happen every now and again, but it was rare.  She knew reaching her hand back would only make the spanking worse.  The message had gotten through and we had finally gotten this problem under control.  Our spankings went a lot smoother after that.

It’s pretty well documented that my husband and I have really positive things to say about domestic discipline and what its done for our relationship, as well as countless others. It’s a lifestyle that we believe in for so many reasons. But, that isn’t to say it isn’t without a few regrets here and there. If you incorporate domestic discipline into your relationship already then you probably understand what we mean when we say that it’s hard. It takes a lot of work and effort from both people. And, over the course of the years, there are things you’re bound to regret either doing or not doing when it comes to domestic discipline. I think that’s just part of it.

I’m not going to use the cliche answer of “my biggest regret is not starting it sooner!” because that’s simply not true. I actually like the fact that Clint and I waited a bit before beginning domestic discipline as I think it really allowed us to get to know each other and build our relationship foundation first before we introduced this. For us, the timing was great.

A few people have asked over the years what we regret. Is it incorporating spanking as a punishment? Not most days. Being open with people about domestic discipline? Nope, not that either.

My biggest regret actually started way back when we first began domestic discipline, and it’s something that I continue to regret even now, many many years later. When we first started domestic discipline Clint and I never sat down to make any sort of formalized rules list right off the bat. It was more of a “let’s just look at the couple of things we seem to argue about, or that cause problems, and those are the unwritten rules” so to speak. So, procrastination was the first and a few others followed – but nothing was ever formalized. In fact, after we began domestic discipline, any mention of the rules was almost non-existent. Punishments came at a time when I had done something he felt was not in the best interest of our family, not necessarily when a rule was broken. It was confusing, and felt a little unorganized (which I hated).

It wasn’t really until we did boot camp for the first time that we created a formalized rule list, and let me tell you, things went much smoother. It was so much easier to know “okay, this will get me in trouble, but something like this won’t” instead of having to guess. After boot camp is when domestic discipline really seemed to “come together” for us.

Not having a formalized rule list from the beginning is something that I think both Clint and I really regret because it started somewhat of an unhealthy pattern for us. There have been a few times over the years where we have unintentionally stopped following our rules list that we made and fell back into the days of “no rule list” which is difficult. Earlier this year we sat down and updated our rules list (again) and since then we’ve both been doing a good job of sticking to following that, but it’s still a work in progress.

I think, had we have developed a concrete rule list from the beginning with set rules and expectations that it would have eliminated the times later on where we tried the “no rules list” approach. I also think that having a rules list from the beginning would have prevented some of the “wait why are you punishing me for that?” moments that we encountered early on in domestic discipline simply because it would have made the expectations more clear.

All in all, there aren’t many things at all that I regret about domestic discipline, but the way we chose to do the rules list is something that is pretty high up on both our lists. If you’re new to domestic discipline, or thinking of beginning, I would encourage you and your partner to consider the benefits of creating a formalized rules and expectations list. Trust me, it’s worth it.

Forever is a tough word, and I usually avoid using it because it’s so permanent. But, in this case, I think it’s fitting.

This is a hard post to write, you guys. It’s a post where things “get real”, and although we have a lot of posts like that on our blog already, it doesn’t make this one any easier.

As many of you know, last year I completed a “one year no spanking challenge” with a few other people in the domestic discipline community. It was a lot of fun, and my reward was a trip to Fiji, which made it completely and totally fun and worth it.

So, when we moved into our new house earlier this month, I decided to “amp” things up a little bit and do another challenge, but this time to vow to not get spanked for the entire duration that we live in this house (which will likely be 2-3 years, depending on how long our house takes to build, and all that fun stuff).

Clint wasn’t so sure I could do it, but I was determined to. When we moved into the house, I told him not to even bother unpacking the implements because he wouldn’t need them. For the first little while, they remained in the box, sitting on the floor of our master bedroom, untouched. And, it was awesome. I was spank-free, and my challenge had officially begun.

Fast forward to two weeks ago. Clint and I were watching TV one night, after the kids were in bed, and a curse word slipped out. He didn’t hesitate pulling me over his lap and giving me a few hard swats as a reminder to watch my mouth. But, after it was finished, the first words out of my mouth were “this isn’t going to effect my challenge, right??”. I was so worried about that stupid challenge that it was beginning to become obvious that it was a problem.

Since it was just warning swats, Clint agreed that the challenge would still be fine, and I was relieved. I barely remembered what I did wrong to deserve those swats, but hey, as long as my challenge was fine, I was good and we moved on.

And then last week. You guys, I seriously got spanked twice in one week. That’s really (really!) rare for me, and it sucked. These weren’t like little warning swat/mini-spankings either. One of them was probably what you’d classify as moderate, and the other was definitely severe. But, they were both well deserved.

But, although I “ruined” my challenge last week and would definitely have to begin the 2-3 year challenge over with, instead Clint and I sat down and spent about an hour talking about it. Clint always has been fine with me doing these challenges, and I loved them. However, we both came to the realization that this had gone too far.

Instead of worrying about what I was doing wrong, or focusing on why I acted the way I did and how it could be avoided next time, my focus was always on the challenge, making sure that whatever I had gotten punished for wouldn’t break my challenge. If it was something that would break my challenge, I was disappointed. Severely disappointed in myself, mad that I just couldn’t do it, or couldn’t have went further than I did, and there were times where I couldn’t help but be a little upset at Clint if he said my challenge had to restart. I constantly questioned why he couldn’t have just let that offense go, because he knew how important the challenge was to me, and I questioned myself a lot too, wondering if I could really do this, and planning the best ways to make it work. These were things that I started seeing during my one year challenge last year, but didn’t really want to admit it because I was adamant on doing another challenge.

So, anyway, we came to the mutual conclusion/decision that these challenges were actually detrimental to our marriage, instead of helpful. While it’s wonderful and great if I can stay out of trouble for a year, making that the sole focus of domestic discipline is becoming an issue because it’s causing me to focus more on the challenge and less on my behavior.

Also, as weird as it sounds, I think these challenges actually may have been making my behavior worse. Before I started the challenge I could go awhile without getting spanked, but that’s because I genuinely wanted to avoid a spanking because it hurt, because it disappointed my husband (and myself) and because it just wasn’t a fun situation to be in. The spankings were effective because they were enough of a deterrent to make sure that I  was able to avoid them for the reasons above, and because I truly wanted to change my behavior, and improve. But, since starting the challenge, I felt myself thinking more about not getting spanked because of the awesome reward I would get if I completed the challenge, or that I could prove my husband wrong and say “remember that time I went TWO years without getting spanked and you didn’t think I could do it???”.

Last week was a wake up call for both of us. It was the week that Clint finally put his foot down and realized the problems that the challenges were beginning to cause, and it was the first time in a long time that I got spanked twice in one week, which is definitely something I want to avoid. Although, this time, I want to avoid it because that’s not the kind of wife I want to be, and because I definitely don’t want to get spanked (especially twice!) not because of my challenge.

The challenge, for me, may have ended but if you’re still doing a challenge, I’ll definitely be front row cheering you on. And, to the countless numbers of people who have supported me through my first challenge, and the start of my second one, I’m forever grateful.

Right now, my new “challenge” is more of a goal, which is to do the best I can to not get spanked, but realize that if it happens I need to go back to the days of looking at why it happened, and what I can do differently next time. As for the rewards, Clint has promised they’ll still be there, sporadically, and that’s perfectly fine with me.

Here’s to a new kind of challenge, where I focus more on my behavior and less on a number/end goal.